Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
