I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
