he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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