My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
