I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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