when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
