Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?