Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.