a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.