I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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