Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
