i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
