If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
