Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
