addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
