i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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