I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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