Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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