Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
