Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
