so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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