i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
