i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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