i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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