Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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