OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
