Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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