it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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