My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
