So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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