News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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