i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
operation harelip BJ is a go
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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