I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
