my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
