I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
