I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The air taste purple.
Randomize
