Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize