Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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