all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize