dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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