this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize