he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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