Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
