next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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