I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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