it was like his penis was on wheels.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
