Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
