Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
