If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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