Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
