what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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