McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
