You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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