does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
