In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
