Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm always down for nudity.
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