jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug