While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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