k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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