i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
