She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
