I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
