I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
