Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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