Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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