Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
