it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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