Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
