if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
