We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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