Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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