I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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