last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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