A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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