Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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