I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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