pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
