we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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