After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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