I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
