just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
