Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
